Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Sorry I found facebook
and seems I forgot completely about this. Facebook is easier and fits into my "not time left" schedule. I keep thinking this is better for me to come here and really write it out but I don't do it. Maybe one day.. Maybe not. Maybe just look me up on facebook! LOL
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Going to put more effort into this - honest!
I go through spurts and seem to blog most when I am sad or upset. I am gone for months at a time and while that is sorta good news because generally I am having a great time. I really want those times documented as well.
We've had good and bad the last few months. My kids are amazing, I am riding my horses a few times a week on a regular basis. I feel pretty darn good, and my marriage is as peaceful as its ever been. I have so much to be thankful for.
The bad... well DH works for the big 3. His last day is Friday. We are well prepared and we have been working toward this for over a year now. Lots of food is frozen and canned - the cows goto market January which will bring not only meat but a nice paycheck. So... life isn't so bad, just a few speed bumps to get over.
Today I am home ill with two sick kids... I should have plenty of time to blog! LOL Hopefully when they lay down for a bit I will be here catching up on life's events. Maybe ad some photos. We've done so much this summer and fall..
We've had good and bad the last few months. My kids are amazing, I am riding my horses a few times a week on a regular basis. I feel pretty darn good, and my marriage is as peaceful as its ever been. I have so much to be thankful for.
The bad... well DH works for the big 3. His last day is Friday. We are well prepared and we have been working toward this for over a year now. Lots of food is frozen and canned - the cows goto market January which will bring not only meat but a nice paycheck. So... life isn't so bad, just a few speed bumps to get over.
Today I am home ill with two sick kids... I should have plenty of time to blog! LOL Hopefully when they lay down for a bit I will be here catching up on life's events. Maybe ad some photos. We've done so much this summer and fall..
Thursday, December 04, 2008
A long overdue update.....
Its been a stressful time here on the farm. My husband works for one of the Big 3 and that itself is enough to make you a nervous wreck right now. He's doing well so far, I can only pray it continues and these CEO's pull their freaken heads out of their ass and do SOMETHING right. Come on guys... ANYTHING. I wish that Nardeli would loose his job. I cried when we got the news he was hired to run the company and I still to this day do not understand how such a looser in the business world can continuously get these high paying, high power jobs when his record SUCKS ASS.
All we hear is that the UAW members make to much money. Oh yeah? You really believe that busting your ass for 8 hours a day ( with a whopping 18 minute lunch ), standing in toxic coolant fumes and coming home covered in things that could probably turn any lab rat into an instant cancer patient is only worthy of minimum wage? Lets be realistic here. I realize that most of these jobs do not require a college education but they require a lot of sweat and guts. You could not pay me enough money to work in that hell hole. To stand there for 8 hours a day and do the same freakin thing 1500 times.... no change... not even allowed to listen to some music while you are working. Just standing there, alone, never changing where you stand or what you do. Not being allowed to goto the bathroom when you need to go because you must have someone there to relive your position before you can walk away from it or you will crash the line.. Sounds fun right??? Sounds like a real glorified job. No.... these guys do this most certainly NOT because they want to.
They want us to give up hourly wages - AGAIN. They want to cut our health care- AGAIN. They want us to give up benefits - AGAIN. Fuck them... Lets give the white collar workers a turn this time. Take their bonuses - we have none to take anymore. The blue collar workers have no received a bonus since 2001. I bet the white collar workers still smile at theirs each spring. Lets talk about the big guys... WHy do they make millions of dollars a year when they are failing the company. If my husband did not do his job and get his part count out each day he would be reprimanded. I want it to be the same for ALL workers, not just the little guy. We have given up so much over the last 7 years. Its their turn to sacrifice as well.
My last bitch. I want to see financial statements from AIG and the banks who got bailout money. I want them to have to sell their private jets and cut their workers pay in half. I want them all to loose their health care. Why is it a bank can walk in and out with BILLIONS... with seemingly no questions asked but the auto makers have to beg, plead and be willing to screw everyone that works for them to get a quarter of what the banks walked out with. Did you hear congress ask the bankers how they arrived in Washington? Did they show their plans? Were they reprimanded for making such poor choices by giving loans to people they KNEW could not repay them or loaning hundreds of thousands more than homes were worth. Those bad decisions are OK? Now think about this.... all those people who are defaulting on their loans and going bankrupt due to the bad loans given now can not purchase anything. That has rolled over to retail, and most certainly to car sales as well. Somehow the banks are not getting blame in any of it really, just more taxpayer money.
It quite upsetting, can you tell?
We worry each day about our future. I handed over my grant that I worked for two years to accomplish. I can't take the chance and put the solar and wind system up. If my husband looses his job we will more than likely have to move and then I would have to pay the government back all of the grant money because I would not be able to fulfil my end of the contract. It was a horrible day when I turned it down. I waited and kept hoping I could do this. I wanted to do it so bad. I felt like after all the work I put into getting this that I HAD to do it. Reality is a bitch though. Hard work really gets you no where in this country. What you need to do is be an asshole that would steal from your own mother, make sure you never make good choices, and really just quit going to work and then your whole life will be taken care of. If you work hard and try to do the right thing you get nothing but a slap in the face.
SO... I'm thinking I should divorce my husband so that I can collect welfare, food stamps, get free day care and lots of tax money back that I never paid in the first place. My kids would eat free at school for two meals a day and even though its equal to feeding them fast food in my book its free. I would be allowed money to goto school and even gas money to get there. Someone would be able to watch my kids for free and I would get free money to live on while I went to school on top of my welfare and food stamps. Oh wait... you even get money for utility bills, how silly of me to forget such an amazing benefit in todays world where your monthly heating bills are more than your mortgage. Seems like it would be a pretty sweet deal. Yea... maybe I'll have to try that.
All we hear is that the UAW members make to much money. Oh yeah? You really believe that busting your ass for 8 hours a day ( with a whopping 18 minute lunch ), standing in toxic coolant fumes and coming home covered in things that could probably turn any lab rat into an instant cancer patient is only worthy of minimum wage? Lets be realistic here. I realize that most of these jobs do not require a college education but they require a lot of sweat and guts. You could not pay me enough money to work in that hell hole. To stand there for 8 hours a day and do the same freakin thing 1500 times.... no change... not even allowed to listen to some music while you are working. Just standing there, alone, never changing where you stand or what you do. Not being allowed to goto the bathroom when you need to go because you must have someone there to relive your position before you can walk away from it or you will crash the line.. Sounds fun right??? Sounds like a real glorified job. No.... these guys do this most certainly NOT because they want to.
They want us to give up hourly wages - AGAIN. They want to cut our health care- AGAIN. They want us to give up benefits - AGAIN. Fuck them... Lets give the white collar workers a turn this time. Take their bonuses - we have none to take anymore. The blue collar workers have no received a bonus since 2001. I bet the white collar workers still smile at theirs each spring. Lets talk about the big guys... WHy do they make millions of dollars a year when they are failing the company. If my husband did not do his job and get his part count out each day he would be reprimanded. I want it to be the same for ALL workers, not just the little guy. We have given up so much over the last 7 years. Its their turn to sacrifice as well.
My last bitch. I want to see financial statements from AIG and the banks who got bailout money. I want them to have to sell their private jets and cut their workers pay in half. I want them all to loose their health care. Why is it a bank can walk in and out with BILLIONS... with seemingly no questions asked but the auto makers have to beg, plead and be willing to screw everyone that works for them to get a quarter of what the banks walked out with. Did you hear congress ask the bankers how they arrived in Washington? Did they show their plans? Were they reprimanded for making such poor choices by giving loans to people they KNEW could not repay them or loaning hundreds of thousands more than homes were worth. Those bad decisions are OK? Now think about this.... all those people who are defaulting on their loans and going bankrupt due to the bad loans given now can not purchase anything. That has rolled over to retail, and most certainly to car sales as well. Somehow the banks are not getting blame in any of it really, just more taxpayer money.
It quite upsetting, can you tell?
We worry each day about our future. I handed over my grant that I worked for two years to accomplish. I can't take the chance and put the solar and wind system up. If my husband looses his job we will more than likely have to move and then I would have to pay the government back all of the grant money because I would not be able to fulfil my end of the contract. It was a horrible day when I turned it down. I waited and kept hoping I could do this. I wanted to do it so bad. I felt like after all the work I put into getting this that I HAD to do it. Reality is a bitch though. Hard work really gets you no where in this country. What you need to do is be an asshole that would steal from your own mother, make sure you never make good choices, and really just quit going to work and then your whole life will be taken care of. If you work hard and try to do the right thing you get nothing but a slap in the face.
SO... I'm thinking I should divorce my husband so that I can collect welfare, food stamps, get free day care and lots of tax money back that I never paid in the first place. My kids would eat free at school for two meals a day and even though its equal to feeding them fast food in my book its free. I would be allowed money to goto school and even gas money to get there. Someone would be able to watch my kids for free and I would get free money to live on while I went to school on top of my welfare and food stamps. Oh wait... you even get money for utility bills, how silly of me to forget such an amazing benefit in todays world where your monthly heating bills are more than your mortgage. Seems like it would be a pretty sweet deal. Yea... maybe I'll have to try that.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
I got my grant.... I got my grant.... I got my grrrraaaannnntttt!!!!
Can you see me dancing while I sing that?
Its true people... Listen up bitches there is solar power going in at the Hurlock Farm! AKA Fairytail Farm if you work for the IRS. :-)
I can't wait. We are taking our asses right off the grid. No more dependence on anyone to RUN our home. We are looking at two smaller 2KW wind turbines or one 5 KW along with about a dozen 200 watt solar panels. We will run a battery house of about 20 batteries that will charge 10 at a time while the other ten run the house.
The wind turbines will be on hydraulic towers since our friendly farmer neighbor has a corn cob stuck so far up his ass that he can't speak nicely anymore. This way we will keep the towers short enough that we can deal with it ourselves AND we never need to use a tiny corner of his field do erect or maintain a turbine.
We will have a whole house generator of 10KW that runs of diesel in the off chance we are not generating enough power to run the whole farm. We are considering ripping all the wires down and making each individual building on its own service. A small turbine up top of the large barn with a solar panel to run just the lighting and water heaters... The other even smaller barn would never need more than just a solar panel to run a light...
Man.. I am excited. So excited that I am not going to proofread this at all .. Not even a bit. I'm going to go and do another dance. For joy.
Yay freaken Ra! Go Me.... Can't wait to get this going!
Its true people... Listen up bitches there is solar power going in at the Hurlock Farm! AKA Fairytail Farm if you work for the IRS. :-)
I can't wait. We are taking our asses right off the grid. No more dependence on anyone to RUN our home. We are looking at two smaller 2KW wind turbines or one 5 KW along with about a dozen 200 watt solar panels. We will run a battery house of about 20 batteries that will charge 10 at a time while the other ten run the house.
The wind turbines will be on hydraulic towers since our friendly farmer neighbor has a corn cob stuck so far up his ass that he can't speak nicely anymore. This way we will keep the towers short enough that we can deal with it ourselves AND we never need to use a tiny corner of his field do erect or maintain a turbine.
We will have a whole house generator of 10KW that runs of diesel in the off chance we are not generating enough power to run the whole farm. We are considering ripping all the wires down and making each individual building on its own service. A small turbine up top of the large barn with a solar panel to run just the lighting and water heaters... The other even smaller barn would never need more than just a solar panel to run a light...
Man.. I am excited. So excited that I am not going to proofread this at all .. Not even a bit. I'm going to go and do another dance. For joy.
Yay freaken Ra! Go Me.... Can't wait to get this going!
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Last try and the mare is still not pregnant.... *sigh*... I wonder why??
When I have projects that mean so much to me...and I work really really hard at them, they never go well?
I can do little shit all day long and everything is fine. I can run a business I can take care of kids and hell anyone who can be a mom is a hero in my book.
I put two years into trying to get a stupid horse pregnant and no luck..
I put two years and MUCH MORE TIME and energy and just pure dedication into trying to get this wind turbine and no luck.
Thursday I have to go to this stupid renewable energy expo and give a speech... A speech to all the farmers and small business owners about how to get a grant to help offset electricity costs by using forms of renewable energy. What the F am I supposed to say? "Here... read my proposal and do everything opposite?"
I keep hearing "its so good"... "you've got such a good chance".... "I'm so impressed"
none of it matters because nothing is coming together... uhhghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghg
I really knew she wasn't pregnant before the vet got here. And at least I didn't fall into a sobbing mess on him this time. But as the time goes by and it sinks in that I really will never have that baby it stings and just generally sucks ass.
If I had all the money to keep trying.... but I don't. I gave it a fair chance and I wont spend anymore money on it that I really should be putting into a college fund for my children.
Anyone wanna purchase a stud service to an outstanding stallion? What a bummer.
SO.... this door is closed now. I can't wait for the window to open.
I can do little shit all day long and everything is fine. I can run a business I can take care of kids and hell anyone who can be a mom is a hero in my book.
I put two years into trying to get a stupid horse pregnant and no luck..
I put two years and MUCH MORE TIME and energy and just pure dedication into trying to get this wind turbine and no luck.
Thursday I have to go to this stupid renewable energy expo and give a speech... A speech to all the farmers and small business owners about how to get a grant to help offset electricity costs by using forms of renewable energy. What the F am I supposed to say? "Here... read my proposal and do everything opposite?"
I keep hearing "its so good"... "you've got such a good chance".... "I'm so impressed"
none of it matters because nothing is coming together... uhhghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghg
I really knew she wasn't pregnant before the vet got here. And at least I didn't fall into a sobbing mess on him this time. But as the time goes by and it sinks in that I really will never have that baby it stings and just generally sucks ass.
If I had all the money to keep trying.... but I don't. I gave it a fair chance and I wont spend anymore money on it that I really should be putting into a college fund for my children.
Anyone wanna purchase a stud service to an outstanding stallion? What a bummer.
SO.... this door is closed now. I can't wait for the window to open.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
DId I say thankful for MS?
I've been fortunate enough to take much of the summer off work (Ok the real reason is that I went through chemo this summer but as much as it sucked there is a silver lining in everything )and spend it with my kids. We went camping a LOT! We rode the horses, put up a new swing set and just enjoyed each other so much. I thought maybe I was finally getting the hang of this mom gig.
Then school started. Prior to the first day I could not wait for it to arrive to get a bit of a break from the all day need to entertain. Then it came and I was a bit sad. Watching my little man go for his first day of preschool really sealed the deal that I will never have a "baby" again.
It stings to even say it now a month later and I swear that I do NOT want any more kids. Hell I never even liked babies, I never held friends new babies I was scared to death of my own and couldnt' wait till they could toddle around and start to be "people". Yet now I look at themn and wonder where those tiny people went so fast.
I vowed to enjoy every moment of their childhood that I could possibly tolerate after hearing the horror stories of people who somehow seemed to miss 18 years of their childrens lives. I have paid attention. I've spent so much time with my kids and savored all of the "first" moments. I've been lucky that I was able to be around for so many of their milestone moments. Yet I still feel like it wasn't enough.
I guess now is when I start enjoying OTHER peoples babies? haha.. I always wondered why women clammored over to a new mom to ohhh and aww at a newborn baby when all I could think its "Jesus put that thing back in there and let it finish cooking". I don't find newborns cute or adorable. But I do love the smell of their tiny heads, the way they curl their fists and put them right over their face to hide the bright lights. They way they snuggle with you and let you know without a single word that you ARE their world. It's a love like no other, darn kids.
For all that I stated above I am thankful I have Multiple Sclerosis. That's right I said THANKFUL. It's a bitch of an illness but I was a bitch of a person before it took control of me. ( I'm only a bit cranky now ). MS forced me to SLOW DOWN. It forced me to stop the crazy rat race and changed my views about what in life was important. Prior to MS I just wanted to work and work and make money and be the best and go go go. It stopped me in my tracks and forced me to look at life and really appreciate what I have. It has allowed me to enjoy my children and watch them grow up. Of course I'd rather be able to walk and run with them everyday and I totally hate when I can't see well. But if I did not have this illness I might not have run and played much at all - I would not have seen half of what I HAVE seen even with visual disturbances. I would have worked and worked, and daycare would have told me about their first steps and their first words.
So... thanks for a really crappy, painful, life changing illness there Lord. It sucks ass bigtime - but its given me so much despite the pain. I wish I could have learned all of this without it, but I never would have slowed down to even see what life was like at less than 100mph.
Then school started. Prior to the first day I could not wait for it to arrive to get a bit of a break from the all day need to entertain. Then it came and I was a bit sad. Watching my little man go for his first day of preschool really sealed the deal that I will never have a "baby" again.
It stings to even say it now a month later and I swear that I do NOT want any more kids. Hell I never even liked babies, I never held friends new babies I was scared to death of my own and couldnt' wait till they could toddle around and start to be "people". Yet now I look at themn and wonder where those tiny people went so fast.
I vowed to enjoy every moment of their childhood that I could possibly tolerate after hearing the horror stories of people who somehow seemed to miss 18 years of their childrens lives. I have paid attention. I've spent so much time with my kids and savored all of the "first" moments. I've been lucky that I was able to be around for so many of their milestone moments. Yet I still feel like it wasn't enough.
I guess now is when I start enjoying OTHER peoples babies? haha.. I always wondered why women clammored over to a new mom to ohhh and aww at a newborn baby when all I could think its "Jesus put that thing back in there and let it finish cooking". I don't find newborns cute or adorable. But I do love the smell of their tiny heads, the way they curl their fists and put them right over their face to hide the bright lights. They way they snuggle with you and let you know without a single word that you ARE their world. It's a love like no other, darn kids.
For all that I stated above I am thankful I have Multiple Sclerosis. That's right I said THANKFUL. It's a bitch of an illness but I was a bitch of a person before it took control of me. ( I'm only a bit cranky now ). MS forced me to SLOW DOWN. It forced me to stop the crazy rat race and changed my views about what in life was important. Prior to MS I just wanted to work and work and make money and be the best and go go go. It stopped me in my tracks and forced me to look at life and really appreciate what I have. It has allowed me to enjoy my children and watch them grow up. Of course I'd rather be able to walk and run with them everyday and I totally hate when I can't see well. But if I did not have this illness I might not have run and played much at all - I would not have seen half of what I HAVE seen even with visual disturbances. I would have worked and worked, and daycare would have told me about their first steps and their first words.
So... thanks for a really crappy, painful, life changing illness there Lord. It sucks ass bigtime - but its given me so much despite the pain. I wish I could have learned all of this without it, but I never would have slowed down to even see what life was like at less than 100mph.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
grants, grants, grants
Every few months I begine to eat, drink and sleep ( well not really more like insomniac ) my way through a new grant proposal in attempts to get a Wind Turbine on our farm.
So far I'm not doing well. The first time I look at a total learning experience. I probably would have gotten an A on it if it had been an informative report for an English Class or something. It wasn't at all what they were looking for. I failed at the Indiana APE Renewable energy grant in 2007.
I decided to learn more. Get more contacts, network with as many public officials as I possibly can in order to find out the sectrets.
Let me tell you there are no secrets. It must be a who you know or they just have so many applicants the competition is stiff. I failed the second time recently. I was going for the USDA 9006 Rural Develpement Energy Efficiancy Grant. Once again I didn't get it, but I learned more. I met more people. I'll just have to keep trying till I get it right.
But I can't sleep when I do this. I have a deadline near and pouted for so long about the loss of my 9006 dreams that I let this one sit and didn't do a damn thing to improve on last years "book report". I have a lot to get done and my head finds so many directions. I lay in bed and have to get up to write something dwon or I will forget tomarrow. This has to be better than last years by far.
I hate being told no. It's just not a word I accept well at all in fact it drives me batshit crazy. I have to correct this situation. Maybe thrid times gonna be a charm? :-)
Oh yea speaking of that... 3rd time needs to be a fucking charm more than one place around here. That mare is still not pregnant. This is my last shot at that dream. I can't afford to continue going through IVF cycles on a horse to inseminate her no matter how amazing this stallion is. Gotta by hay this winter and vets in California charge a WHOLE LOTTA money to do their end of the job. Its definately a stick shock to a midwestern small town girl.
So.. 3rd time we've inseminated and we know the timing was all right - just a matter of everything metting up and staying PUT. Next Tuesday we'll do what hopefully will be the first of many ultrasounds to watch the babys growth. Yea... next Tuesday. Then Thursday I have to talk to people at a Renewable Energy Expo. I wrote my speach and titled it "Heather's handbook on how NOT to get a grant". Geesh.
Need to sleep. Must..... stop..... thinking
So far I'm not doing well. The first time I look at a total learning experience. I probably would have gotten an A on it if it had been an informative report for an English Class or something. It wasn't at all what they were looking for. I failed at the Indiana APE Renewable energy grant in 2007.
I decided to learn more. Get more contacts, network with as many public officials as I possibly can in order to find out the sectrets.
Let me tell you there are no secrets. It must be a who you know or they just have so many applicants the competition is stiff. I failed the second time recently. I was going for the USDA 9006 Rural Develpement Energy Efficiancy Grant. Once again I didn't get it, but I learned more. I met more people. I'll just have to keep trying till I get it right.
But I can't sleep when I do this. I have a deadline near and pouted for so long about the loss of my 9006 dreams that I let this one sit and didn't do a damn thing to improve on last years "book report". I have a lot to get done and my head finds so many directions. I lay in bed and have to get up to write something dwon or I will forget tomarrow. This has to be better than last years by far.
I hate being told no. It's just not a word I accept well at all in fact it drives me batshit crazy. I have to correct this situation. Maybe thrid times gonna be a charm? :-)
Oh yea speaking of that... 3rd time needs to be a fucking charm more than one place around here. That mare is still not pregnant. This is my last shot at that dream. I can't afford to continue going through IVF cycles on a horse to inseminate her no matter how amazing this stallion is. Gotta by hay this winter and vets in California charge a WHOLE LOTTA money to do their end of the job. Its definately a stick shock to a midwestern small town girl.
So.. 3rd time we've inseminated and we know the timing was all right - just a matter of everything metting up and staying PUT. Next Tuesday we'll do what hopefully will be the first of many ultrasounds to watch the babys growth. Yea... next Tuesday. Then Thursday I have to talk to people at a Renewable Energy Expo. I wrote my speach and titled it "Heather's handbook on how NOT to get a grant". Geesh.
Need to sleep. Must..... stop..... thinking
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